This is a big topic which I feel affects many of us, and most of us don’t even realize we are doing it. If we were to take an honest look at our everyday life and the things we do on a day to day basis we would probably be surprised by how often the motivation behind our actions isn’t actually coming from our authentic self. Most of it comes from our ego mind which has been programmed by other people!
In paying attention to our own lives we may become aware of when we are not being motivated by our own desires. We are being motivated by other people’s desires or our perceived idea that we have to “take care” of someone else’s desires or try to help them fulfill theirs in some way. We do this on a daily basis with the people we interact with by buying into the illusionary expectations we have adopted from our culture or society.
When we live someone else’s life it eventually creates a very painful conflict within us, as it’s not sustainable without some form of consequence ie., negative effect on mental, emotional & physical wellbeing.
Here are some signs we are living someone else’s life and not the life we are being called to live by our authentic selves:
Feeling a sense of obligation to do something
Feeling responsible for the needs of others
Feeling overwhelmed by all your duties and commitments
Feeling undue pressure to perform
Feeling you have no choice
Feeling frustrated with your life
Feeling you have no time to pursue something you love
Feeling there is no “you” time
Difficulty saying “No” to people
Feeling exhausted with life
I’m sure there are more signs, but this list gives you a sense of how we feel when we are not following our own path doing the things that bring us joy.
Often, even though we may not be consciously aware of it, we put the needs of others before our own. We allow our negative self-talk, which is attached to beliefs and programs adopted from those around us to dictate the choices we make and how we move through our lives. When we do this we give our power away and put it in the hands of someone else. We then wonder why we don’t feel good, why we’re not really happy.
Taking back our life and living our authentic self requires us to look at or revisit what brings us joy and what our passions are. Make a list of all the things that bring you joy or you are passionate about. Beside that list write down all the reasons you are not doing it and see if some of those reasons, if not all of them, are because you don’t feel you have full control of your life due to beliefs or programs that tell you a different story.
These beliefs and programs are not who you really are, they have just been passed down from generation to generation creating an illusionary definition of who you think you should be. Anytime we are emotionally triggered there is a belief or program behind it that needs to be looked at…to be cleared. These triggers are how we become aware of the beliefs that exist within us. They help us know what we need to let go of so we can move into our own true freedom.
If you pay attention to when you are engaged in something you really love and are passionate about you will notice a huge decrease in your anxiety, stress and frustration or these negative emotions will disappear altogether. This is because you are being motivated by your authentic self and not the ego mind, so it is sustainable and supportive, it isn’t conflicting, stressful or overwhelming. It’s a productive and energizing state to be in!
Living someone else’s life is different from doing something for someone else from the heart and from a place of love. These people, who follow their passion are in alignment with their authentic selves and feel a great deal of joy helping others and are giving in a way that feeds their passion. They aren’t living someone else’s life in that instance, but bringing in high-energy-giving to others. This is something I’m sure we would all find ourselves doing a lot more of in different ways if we were truly being our authentic selves.
Life is about learning and growing. If we take the time to truly understand who we are and who we are not, we can greatly shift the quality of our life and the freedom we can experience!